Evangelical Leaders Choose Donald Trump Over Jesus In Head-To-Head Matchup

by Charles Tophe

The “messengers of God on earth” have officially lost their minds.

Everyone knows Pat Robertson is a few fries short of a happy meal. For decades, he’s sat on television warning anyone dumb enough to listen that the immoral actions of minorities, women and the gays would be bringing the wrath of God…any day now. He has visions of the almighty all the time. We’ve grown so numb to his nonsense that we barely pay attention, except when it’s particularly funny. This is one of those times.
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On a recent episode of “I’m a Lunatic, Please Send Cash,” also known as “The 700 Club,” Robertson discussed his latest encounter with God. Lo and behold — it was all about The Donald:

    God came to me in a dream last night and showed me the future. He took me to heaven and I saw Donald Trump seated at the right hand of our Lord.

There’s always the possibility that he misunderstood the vision. Trump could have simply been trying to sell The Lord an education that is worthless or a condo in Baja that would never be built. Alas…Pat Robertson, leader of hundreds of thousands of very confused people, just removed Jesus Christ from his rightful place at his father’s side and replaced him. With Donald Trump. The giant Cheeto on his third marriage who fantasizes about his own daughter and is ever-so-proud of his cover of Playboy is now, according to leading “Christians,” the right hand of God.

Robertson isn’t alone, either. Evangelical person who matters to a bunch of imbeciles and perpetual whackjob Michele Bachmann also believes Trump was “lifted up” by God Himself. Bachmann, not exactly known for being grounded in logic — or reality — said:

    We may not have a perfect candidate but he may be the one, like the Book of Daniel — the most high God may have lifted up Trump, because very possibly he’s the only one that could defeat Hillary Clinton this fall.

Bachmann’s assessment that Trump could slay the lion is about the dumbest thing ever until you are reminded what Robert Jeffress, Pastor of a Texas megachurch, said about the choice between Trump and Jesus Christ himself:

    You know, I was debating an evangelical professor on NPR, and this professor said, ‘Pastor, don’t you want a candidate who embodies the teaching of Jesus and would govern this country according to the principles found in the Sermon on the Mount?’ I said, ‘Heck no.’ I would run from that candidate as far as possible, because the Sermon on the Mount was not given as a governing principle for this nation.

    When I’m looking for somebody who’s going to deal with ISIS and exterminate ISIS, I don’t care about that candidate’s tone or vocabulary, I want the meanest, toughest, son of a you-know-what I can find — and I believe that’s biblical.

The Sermon on the Mount is supposed to be the governing principle of humanity. Sure, we need a strong leader who will bomb the crap out of ISIS. We already have one. Seriously, though? In a head to head competition, you’d pick a hatemongering, xenophobic failure of a businessman who has built his entire campaign on fear over the guy you erected that massive cross for?

Somebody stop the world and let these people off.

-Winning Democrats