Parrots are funny animals. They can talk, they can imitate, they make weird noises, and they are a lot more intelligent than they look.
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A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. A price tag on the cage showed $50.00. "Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner. The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a brothel, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about it, but decided she wanted the bird anyway. She took it home, hung the parrot's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at woman, and said, "New house, new madam." The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought that it was not so bad.
When her two teenage daughters came home from school. The bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls." The woman and her daughters were a bit offended but later began to laugh at the parrot's comment.
Moments later, the woman's husband came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, "New house, new madam, new girls - old client!"
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A man went into a pet shop. The shop owner pointed to three identical-looking parrots on a perch and said, "The parrot on the left costs $500."
"Why does the parrot cost so much?" asked the customer. The owner said, "Well, the parrot knows how to do legal research."
The customer then asked about the next parrot. He was told that this one cost $1,000 because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knew how to write a brief that will win any case.
Naturally, the customer asks about the third parrot. He was told that it cost $4,000. Then, the question, "What can it do?" The owner replied, "To be honest, I've never seen him do a darn thing, but the other two call him Senior Partner."
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There was once a magician on a cruise ship who performed mainly sleight of hand tricks on the ship's cabaret evening entertainment. He was actually quite a good magician, but his routines were regularly ruined by an onboard parrot who would fly around squawking and giving away his secrets like:
"It is up his sleeve!" or
"It is in his pocket!" or
"It is in his mouth!"
The magician was getting pretty sick of this and threatened to kill the parrot if it ruined his act one more time. One evening right at the climax of his act, just as he was about to disappear in a puff of smoke, the ship hit an iceberg and sank very quickly.
Amazingly, the magician and the parrot were the only survivors. The magician was lying on a piece of driftwood in a daze. As he opened his eyes he could see the parrot staring at him out of its beady little eye.
The parrot sat there for hours just staring at him and eventually said, "OK, I give up, what did you do with the ship?" -Author(s) Unknown/Contributed by Ralph
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A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. A price tag on the cage showed $50.00. "Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner. The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a brothel, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about it, but decided she wanted the bird anyway. She took it home, hung the parrot's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at woman, and said, "New house, new madam." The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought that it was not so bad.
When her two teenage daughters came home from school. The bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls." The woman and her daughters were a bit offended but later began to laugh at the parrot's comment.
Moments later, the woman's husband came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, "New house, new madam, new girls - old client!"
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A man went into a pet shop. The shop owner pointed to three identical-looking parrots on a perch and said, "The parrot on the left costs $500."
"Why does the parrot cost so much?" asked the customer. The owner said, "Well, the parrot knows how to do legal research."
The customer then asked about the next parrot. He was told that this one cost $1,000 because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knew how to write a brief that will win any case.
Naturally, the customer asks about the third parrot. He was told that it cost $4,000. Then, the question, "What can it do?" The owner replied, "To be honest, I've never seen him do a darn thing, but the other two call him Senior Partner."
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There was once a magician on a cruise ship who performed mainly sleight of hand tricks on the ship's cabaret evening entertainment. He was actually quite a good magician, but his routines were regularly ruined by an onboard parrot who would fly around squawking and giving away his secrets like:
"It is up his sleeve!" or
"It is in his pocket!" or
"It is in his mouth!"
The magician was getting pretty sick of this and threatened to kill the parrot if it ruined his act one more time. One evening right at the climax of his act, just as he was about to disappear in a puff of smoke, the ship hit an iceberg and sank very quickly.
Amazingly, the magician and the parrot were the only survivors. The magician was lying on a piece of driftwood in a daze. As he opened his eyes he could see the parrot staring at him out of its beady little eye.
The parrot sat there for hours just staring at him and eventually said, "OK, I give up, what did you do with the ship?" -Author(s) Unknown/Contributed by Ralph
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