1. Divorce can be caused by religious differences---when one thinks he/she is God and the other doesn't.
2. Nut don't suffer from insanity; they enjoy every damn minute of it.
3. Some people are alive only because it's a sin to kill them.
4. It is scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.
5. Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.
6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9. Some folks are not actually complete idiots -- some parts of them are just missing.
10. Out of sight, out of mind applies to one with Alzheimer's.
11. Nyquil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
12. God must love stupid people because He made so many of them.
13. The gene pool can use a lot of chlorine.
14. Consciousness is that annoying time between naps.
15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
16. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
17. Wrinkled was not one of the things seniors wanted to be when they grew up.
18. Procrastinate now!
19. To have a degree in Liberal Arts is good for one who works at McDonald's - - - Do you want fries with that?
20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23. It is called PMS because mad cow disease was already taken.
24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
25. A picture may be worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
26. Ham and eggs: a day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
27. The trouble with life is no one has the choice to exist.
28. The original point and click interface is only for some dumb tourist.
29. One who always smiles can be one who doesn't know what the hell is really going on.
30. It is a great idea to not have any politicians and/or government bureaucrats for the next four years?
31. Ever noticed how people who tell you to calm down are the ones who actually got you made in the first place?
32. Ever get the feeling that your stuff strutted off without you?
33. Blessed are the cracked for they let in the light.
Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends! Life is too short and friends are too few!
Author Unknown
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