Dear Robert,
I’m writing this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you.
I’ve been a good wife to you for the last 20 years, but I have nothing to show for it, and the last two weeks have been pure hell.
And when your boss called to tell me that you left your job, it was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and you didn’t even notice that I had a new hairstyle and that I wore a brand new nightie.
I cooked your favorite meal, which you ate in two minutes, and then you just went straight to bed after watching your favorite TV shows.
You haven’t told me that you love me for so long, I’ve wondered if you still loved me. We have not had any kind of intimacy that connects us as husband and wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love anymore. Whatever the case maybe, I’m gone.
Your ex-wife,
Elizabeth
PS: Don’t try to find me. Your brother and I are moving together to New Zealand. Have a great life!
THE REPLY:
Dear Liz,
Thank you for your letter which really made my day. It’s true that you and I have been married for 20 years, but you have to admit that a good woman is a far cry from what you’ve been.
In response to the various issues which you raised:
1) I watched TV shows so much because I thought they would drown out your constant whining and bitching. Too bad, it didn’t work.
2) I did notice when you got a new hairdo, but the first thing that came to mind was it made you look like a boy. I had been raised to say nothing, if I can’t say anything nice, so I don’t make any comment.
3) When you cooked “my favorite meal”, you must have forgotten and had me confused with my brother because I have never really liked pork and have not eaten it for at least the past seven years.
4) About the new nightie, I turned away from you because the £49.99 price tag was still on it, and I tried my best to believe that it was just a coincidence that my brother barrowed £50 from me that morning.
After all of the above, believe it or not, I still loved you and thought we could work things out. So, when I won the £20 million Lotto on Saturday, I left my job and bought two tickets for us to go on a holiday in Jamaica, but when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you’ve always wanted. Incidentally, my lawyer assured me that the letter you wrote ensures that you won’t get a penny from me. For now, take care.
Your ex-husband (who has just turned rich as hell and free!)
Rob
PS: I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but my brother Carl was originally born Carla. I hope that does not pose any problems.
Author Unknown
I’m writing this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you.
I’ve been a good wife to you for the last 20 years, but I have nothing to show for it, and the last two weeks have been pure hell.
And when your boss called to tell me that you left your job, it was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and you didn’t even notice that I had a new hairstyle and that I wore a brand new nightie.
I cooked your favorite meal, which you ate in two minutes, and then you just went straight to bed after watching your favorite TV shows.
You haven’t told me that you love me for so long, I’ve wondered if you still loved me. We have not had any kind of intimacy that connects us as husband and wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love anymore. Whatever the case maybe, I’m gone.
Your ex-wife,
Elizabeth
PS: Don’t try to find me. Your brother and I are moving together to New Zealand. Have a great life!
THE REPLY:
Dear Liz,
Thank you for your letter which really made my day. It’s true that you and I have been married for 20 years, but you have to admit that a good woman is a far cry from what you’ve been.
In response to the various issues which you raised:
1) I watched TV shows so much because I thought they would drown out your constant whining and bitching. Too bad, it didn’t work.
2) I did notice when you got a new hairdo, but the first thing that came to mind was it made you look like a boy. I had been raised to say nothing, if I can’t say anything nice, so I don’t make any comment.
3) When you cooked “my favorite meal”, you must have forgotten and had me confused with my brother because I have never really liked pork and have not eaten it for at least the past seven years.
4) About the new nightie, I turned away from you because the £49.99 price tag was still on it, and I tried my best to believe that it was just a coincidence that my brother barrowed £50 from me that morning.
After all of the above, believe it or not, I still loved you and thought we could work things out. So, when I won the £20 million Lotto on Saturday, I left my job and bought two tickets for us to go on a holiday in Jamaica, but when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you’ve always wanted. Incidentally, my lawyer assured me that the letter you wrote ensures that you won’t get a penny from me. For now, take care.
Your ex-husband (who has just turned rich as hell and free!)
Rob
PS: I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but my brother Carl was originally born Carla. I hope that does not pose any problems.
Author Unknown
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